An old friend of mine (Mr. Tiger) recently read the posts on my blog, and wrote a letter to his children, who are in primary school now. I think there are a lot of wisdoms in his words, and I really like the way he communicates to his children about those money matters. Hence, I’d like to share his letter on my blog, which might be helpful to some of the viewers. His original letter was written in Chinese, I tried to translate to English (pardon me for my poor translation skills).
我的一个老友（老虎先生）最近读了我博客上的文章后，给自己现在在读小学的两个孩子写了一封信。我觉得他的文字里有很多智慧，我也很喜欢他和孩子沟通这些金钱话题的方式。所以我觉得把他的信在这里分享出来，也许对一些读者会有帮助。他的信件原文是用中文写的，我尝试着也翻译成英文（抱歉我非常普通的翻译功底）。
A Letter to My Kids (English Translation)
My dear kids,
Today let’s talk about “money”, how to save money, and how to spend money.
Do you remember Uncle Nick? He is an old friend of mine, and we met him in East Coast last year, do you recall? Uncle Nick is good at managing money, he saved a lot, bought a house, and is raising 3 children who are the age as you. He started a blog recently, to share his stories on the internet. Daddy read his articles and found beneficial. Adults should also learn from each other, right?
Daddy wants to share my views; they might not be identical to everything Uncle Nick said. Each parent has own approach of educating their children, each family has its own circumstances. However, we all hope to give the correct, life-tested, and beneficial views to you. When you grow up and form your own views, you might not agree with everything I told you here; but please read, reflect, and discuss with Daddy then. Let’s start:
No.1, I don’t think children should hold on to too much cash. How much is too much? Daddy thinks $200 is enough.
But you might say: “What about my Hong Bao money? Each year I have hundreds of dollars. I would’ve saved for thousands now. Those are my money. Do I have to give all to parents?”
That’s not what Daddy meant. What you have saved are yours. I meant you should not hold on to so much cash. Daddy can help you safekeep first. Do you remember the Hong Bao money in previous years? Each of you had $650, and one day Daddy took them all. That wasn’t ‘confiscation’. Daddy remembers those are yours and are safe keeping them for you. Jie Jie (older sister) recently had owned her own bank account; Daddy will deposit those cash together with her study awards. Di Di (younger brother) will also have his own bank account. So, Di Di, please do your best at school! When you receive study awards from MOE, Daddy can go and open your bank account with MOE letter.
Why do I not want you to hold on to too much cash? It’s simple, you don’t know how to use them yet. Too much cash is a distraction for you, you will think about saving and spending every day, on dollars and cents. That’s not what you should do. You are still young. If you need something Daddy and Mommy will help you. What do you need to think about right now?
Daddy knows you have a long shopping list: toys, stationaries, food, drinks, and later on, big house, big car, etc. You want to save and become rich, isn’t it? Daddy wants to let you know what you saved now still come from Daddy and Mommy, other people’s Hong Bao gifts to you are also our money because what you received are the same as what we gave to their children. Are you richer than Daddy and Mommy? Daddy and Mommy can’t afford big house and big car now, can you afford them by saving your Hong Bao money? Next, about toys and snacks.
When Daddy said “you don’t know how to use money yet” I also referred to the money spending habits. Uncle Nick said it well, school also taught you well, the key is ‘Frugality’. Do you remember what I told you about ‘discretionary expense’? That’s unnecessary spending, like candies, tasty but you can live well without them; or clothes, a few will be enough for everyday use, too many will fill up our closet; or toys, after playing a few times they will be forgotten and thrown away like trash, it will be better to rent so can be returned after playing.
Besides that, those are also not good for our health. Candies make you fat and damage your teeth… My children, Daddy knows you love caddies, but when you grow up, do you want to look prettier and more handsome? You can’t eat candies and look good at the same time. There is give-and-take, we need to know which one is more important to ourselves.
You are still young and might not understand all I said. Without my advice you might have already harmed your body and mind when you finally understand. That’s too much price to pay! Being frugal isn’t as simple as saving money alone, it is also exercising your mind, knowing what you really need, and understanding what is important.
No.2, if it is reasonable, Daddy will help you pay for it, don’t worry.
You don’t have to worry about being penny-less. I will give you meal allowance, and if you need to buy something for school activities, if you can explain the purpose, and I found reasonable, Daddy will pay for it.
Do you think what Daddy finds reasonable might not be the ones you want? Or I always object to what you find reasonable? I don’t think that’s entirely true.
Daddy wants to teach you good habits. Besides money, I’ve written a lot about other topics. Good habits change lives! In some families, although they don’t earn that much and have limited resource, but because of frugality they can have a good life. In some other families, the parents are wealthy but don’t want their children to spend too much, the children think their parents are too cheap on them and do not love them. Daddy loves you and wants to spend all on you, but I want you to be healthy and intelligent.
Forming good habits take time and requires a supporting environment. If you don’t see those distractions, you will think less about it. So, No.1 tip is about reducing that distraction. And No.2 tip is about reflecting what is reasonable.
Being intelligent, healthy and happy, is what everybody hopes to have in life. You can be more intelligent by studying, doing your homework, and staying curious. You can get healthier by having a good diet. This is what we can learn from Uncle Nick. He manages his diet well, doesn’t over-eat, and only choose healthier options, has a lean figure. This type of person will tend to be more efficient and successful. In addition, a good health makes good mood. Good mood does not only mean mentally worry-free, is also a good physical state. Each morning waking up with a smile, a refreshing wash face, followed by getting dressed and having breakfast, or listening to Daddy stories; each night before sleep, getting a warm shower and lying down with the sweet shampoo smell. Those are good mood. If you quarrel with others, say sorry and move on with a smile. That’s good mood. Uncle Nick is always very polite, talks with smiles, and in good mood. This type of person will usually do reasonable things, because he/she has formed not only one good habit, but a series of good habits. Those habits are interlinked and complement one and other.
We should not be complacent just because of having one good habit; a series of good habits will make you careful and rigorous and leads to bigger changes in your life. By then you might not know you have had the good habits, but you will already become more intelligent, healthy, and happy. Everyone will love you and ask you what you have done to become such a good person. Can you explain? No, because habits are not to say, but to do. Start now.
No.3, money isn’t everything, don’t take it too seriously
When I say this, it might sound different from what other adults said, like “money is not the most important thing, but it is pretty important”, or “money is as important as other things”, or “money isn’t everything, but without money you can’t do anything”. I am sure you heard something like this before.
When something is being said too often, you will start to believe, this is normal. But it is not right. You should only believe in something after you think it through, instead of simply following other people’s view. Each one has its own view; even if you hold a different view from other people, as long as you think it through and firmly believe in it, that will be your view.
Everyone is busy with making money, saving money, but: what if we enter a war one day, bombs destroy the bank buildings, and the whole city. Our house, our money, are all gone. Even if we are rich, we can’t spend if all shops are closed. Or if we get robbed or scammed and lose live savings. Or if we open a business, invest in stocks, but fail and lose everything.
My children, those things do happen. If you read more, you will find out they are happing now. Singapore is a safe country, but some other countries are in war today; some of people we know lost their health or lives suddenly; some others lost their fortune due to bad luck… If you take money too seriously, or somewhat seriously, this might be too much for you to handle. People are already generally doing pretty well nowadays, but still worry about not wealthy enough. Is this helpful for our body and mind?
Don’t take money too seriously, also doesn’t mean you do not need to earn money or spend money wastefully.
What’s the most important thing here is what in your mind and body, the knowledge, the thinking habits, your health, and characters. With knowledge, you can always find good jobs, or even create jobs, and by applying your knowledge you can earn money easily. With health, you don’t need to worry about spending too much on hospital bills, as those are for less healthy people. With good characters, such as with a strong heart, being tenacious, calm, and optimistic. Even if you lose your fortune, you will get it back eventually and the process is inspiring.
How much money is needed also depends on your desire and purpose. With more money, a lot of your desires and purposes can be fulfilled; but desire and fulfilment don’t necessarily need a lot of money. You can get fulfilled by a cup of water, a bowl of noodle, a smile, an apology, and a touch, a badminton game, a small talk with friends. What you want to do might be just a small thing. We can’t all conquer the world like a superhero; but can do things to make our surrounding better, like cleaning our floor, being polite, or sharing good stuff like Uncle Nick does.
My children, you need time to understand, need to read and think it through. Money isn’t that important. If you understand, you can even spend all your savings and don’t ask for returns. Because when you have life goals, spending money is a means to achieve your life goals. Maybe you can’t achieve, but one should always try. This is tenacity of life. When you have your life goals one day, please tell Daddy and I will do my best to help.
Love you,
Daddy
2023.01.27
给孩子们的一封信（中文原文）
亲爱的宝贝，
今天我们说说”理财”，就是怎么存钱怎么花钱。
还记得尼克叔叔吗？爸爸的老友，来过家里一次，去年过年我们在东海岸见过，记得不？尼克叔叔研究理财，最近他开了个博客/Blog，就是在网络写文章来分享他怎么理财的。爸爸都看了，觉得很受益，大人之间也要互相学习的，不是吗?
下面爸爸说说自己的看法，不见得都和尼克叔叔的一样。每个父母教育孩子的方式不同，每个家庭的情况也不同，不过我们都希望把认为正确的、亲身体验过的、有益的东西交给们。你们在长大，有自己的看法了，不见得全都照做，读了体会体会，可以和爸爸商量。一条一条说吧:
第一，我觉得小孩子的手里不应该有太多现款。怎么算多呢？爸爸觉得200元就足够了。
可是你会说：“我自己存的压岁钱怎么办？每年好几百，存了上千元了，那都是我的钱呀！都要交还给父母吗？”
爸爸不是这个意思，你们存的都是你们的，我是说你们手里不该有那么多，其他的我们可以替你们保管。还记得往年的压岁钱吗？你们一人$650，有一天爸爸生气都和你们要了回来。那不是没收，爸爸还记着，都给你们存着呢。姐姐不久前开了银行账户，等她的奖学金汇入后爸爸把这些钱一并给她存了。弟弟的账户也会开，所以弟弟，你要加油哦！获奖了教育部会写给你写信，爸爸拿着信才能开户呀。
为什么不让你们有太多现款呢？很简单，你们不知道怎么用，多余的钱只会干扰你们，那你们总想着存钱，几块几毛的天天惦记。。。这不是你们应该惦记的，你们还是孩子，缺什么爸爸妈妈给你们买，你们惦记的应该是？
爸爸知道你们有很多东西想买：玩具、学习文具、吃的喝的、还有以后的大房子、大汽车等等，好多呀，想一直存钱，变成富翁，是不是？爸爸却要告诉你们：你们存的还是爸爸妈妈给的，别人的压岁钱其实也算我们给的，因为你收多少我们就要给对方的孩子多少，一样。你们能比我们有钱吗？大房子大汽车爸爸妈妈都买不起，你们靠存钱能行吗？我们就说说玩具零食这些小东西吧。
爸爸说你们不知道怎么用是指一种花钱的习惯，这点尼克叔叔说得很好，学校其实也教得很好， 那就是：节俭。记得我教你们的Discretionary Expense？就是非必要的花费，比如糖果，味道好，想吃，可不吃也没事；比如衣服，有几件来回换着穿就行，多了就把柜子塞满了；比如玩 具，玩一下子就过瘾了，然后放在一旁像个废物似的占地方，倒不如借来玩玩再还回去的好。
除了节俭，那些非必要的的东西对我们的身体也不会好，糖果让你变胖，牙齿变坏。。。孩子们， 爸爸知道你们爱吃，但你们大了，长得漂亮帅气点不也是你们希望的吗？哪有既不忌嘴又不变胖的美事呢？凡事要有取舍，要明白什么更重要。
你们是孩子，有些确实不明白，如果没有我们的劝告，到了明白的时候身体和心智已经败坏了，这个代价是承受不起的。节俭不是省钱这么简单，是锻炼心智、思考真正需要的、明白什么是重要的。
第二，只要合理的，爸爸都会给，你们不用担心。
和第一条呼应的是，你们不必担心没钱花。每天的饭费我都给，其他偶尔学校要求的我也会给，只要你解释给我，我觉得合理就行。
你们是不是觉得爸爸觉得合理的不见得就是你们想要的？你们是不是觉得你们认为合理的我总反对呢？我觉得还不至于。
爸爸努力要教给你们有益的习惯，除了理财，我已经写给你们很多其他的了。习惯的力量多么强大！有的孩子家，他们的爸爸妈妈赚钱不多，生活拮据，可他们养成了省吃俭用的习惯，并不觉得难受。有的孩子家很富裕，但爸爸妈妈不多给他们花，他们不觉得父母吝啬不爱他们。爸爸不爱你们了吗？爸爸真希望把所有的都花在你们身上，但你们要健康聪明才行。
习惯的养成需要时间，也需要环境的配合。眼前看不到自然惦记的少，第一条就是这么做的。这第二条是让你们思考什么是合理的。
聪明、健康、开心，这是每个人希望的生活，聪明通过学习、做作业、好奇发问等，健康通过合理的饮食。这点我们又得学尼克叔叔了，他对饮食控制得非常好，不多吃并且只吃健康的，练了一副精干活跃的好身板儿，这样的人做什么事效率都高，总成。另外，好身体让心情也好。心情不仅是想通想不通的事儿，也是身体的状态，每天早晨起床对自己微笑，洗把脸清爽一下，然后麻利地穿衣吃饭，或者听爸爸给你们读故事背古诗，睡觉前洗个澡，香喷喷地躺下，这就是心情。和别人吵架了，彼此说声对不起，笑一笑冰释前嫌，这就是心情。尼克叔叔很有礼貌，说话总笑眯眯的，他的心情一向很好，这样的人做什么都合理，因为他已经形成了不止一个习惯，是一套习惯，彼此联系，互相影响。
我们不能为做好一点小事就沾沾自喜，一个好的习惯自然有个好的结果，但一套习惯是对整个人而言，让你认真严谨，变化无微不至，那时你不会觉得已经形成了习惯，但是你却变得比别人聪明健康又开心，人见人爱。别人问你怎么这么好，你能解释吗?不能，因为习惯不是说的，是做出来，就在现在!
第三，钱不算什么，永远别把它当回事。
我这么说可能和其他的大人不同。他们会说:“钱不是最重要的，但是很重要！“或者“钱很重要，其他的也重要。”或者“钱不是万能的，但没了钱万万不能。”我想你们会经常听到类似的说辞。
一个东西说多了你就信了，这是正常的，可是也不正常。让你相信的应该是经过思考的，不能人云亦云。每个人不同，每个人的想法不同，就算别人和你的想法全不一样，但你思考了，坚定自己所认为的，那就是信。
所有的人都忙着赚钱、存钱，但是：如果有一天打仗了，一颗炮弹把银行大楼炸了，整个城市被毁了，我们的钱、房子全都没了！就算有钱，商店都关门了，没处花！如果有一天我们被抢劫了或者被骗了，存了一辈子的钱一下子都没了！如果我们去开公司，或者投资买股票，不幸运都赔了，一朝化为乌有。。。
孩子们，这些不是不可能发生，你们好好读书后就会发现，这些每时每刻都在发生，新加坡挺安定，但其他国家在打仗，有时我们身边的人因为健康或者意外一下子就逝去生命或者变残废 了，还有很多努力去赚钱却运气不济的。。。假如把钱看得很重要，哪怕一点重要，以上这些都会让你吃不消的。如今的人们很幸福了，什么都稳定的情况下还患得患失总觉得钱不够花，这些对健康和心情有什么帮助呢?
钱不算什么不是不去赚钱，也不是乱花钱。
唯一夺不走的是装在脑袋里的，知识、思考、还有健康和你优秀的精神。有了知识，你可以找到好工作，甚至创造好工作，赚钱只是你应用知识的结果。有了健康，你会担心以后花很多钱看病什么的吗？那是给不爱护身体的病秧子们说的。有了精神，什么精神？坚强、毅力、从容、乐观，就算什么都失去，你也不怕，重新把它们建立起来，这个过程永远是快乐且振奋的。
钱的多少其实说白了是一个人的欲望和意志的多少，有了它你可以随心所欲，但是欲望和意志却不一定用钱来表示。满足欲望可能只是一杯水、一碗面、一个微笑、一声道歉、一个抚摸、出去打打羽毛球、和朋友说说话。你想要做的或许很简单。我们不可能无限制地像个超人一样惊天动地，其实我们有很多可以做的都能让周围变好，打扫卫生、对人有礼貌、或者像尼克叔叔一样把他觉得好的分享出来，等等。
孩子们，你们需要时间去明白，需要读书、需要思考。钱确实不算什么，当你明白了，你可以瞬间花掉所有的积蓄，甚至不计较是否有回报。因为你有了目标，花钱是为了实现目标，也许不一定能实现，但人就是为了目标去努力，这就是意志，生命的意义。哪一天你们有了目标，告诉爸爸，我会倾囊相助的。
此致，爱你们!
爸爸
2023 年 1 月 27 日
#teachingkidsaboutmoney
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